Dear Brain, this is why we can’t have nice things, love Jessie.

While I might look fairly innocuous, you can bet that at any given time I am thinking the most fucked up shit. Disclaimer: I don’t fantasise about weird stuff like death or Justin Bieber proposing to me [WHAT THIS ISN’T WEIRD – Ed.], I don’t have a mental disorder, and I probably won’t murder you. In fact, according to a whole bunch of people on the internet, it’s completely normal to be a little paranoid – and everything on the internet is true.

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Christopher Hocking’s Guide To Writing Guide

Hello everybody! C. Hocking here, newest starlet in the writing game.

I’ve been checking out your stuff online and in the print and first off, great job! You’re doing pretty good! Not much talent but a lot of good raw ideas and textures in your work. But also if you’re ever going to make it in this industry (and it is a damn hard industry, oh my godddd ha ah in this sunburnt laaaaaand) then here are a few pointers that I have compiled in my own personal roller coaster ride to the stars.

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Letter To The Producers Of Patricia Arquette’s Medium

Dear Producers of Patricia Arquette’s Medium,

I’m not sure whether Patricia Arquette’s Medium is still in production or not, but either way I thought I would shoot some ideas your way RE the next season. If you were having a creative “dry spell”—pun intended!—then these might help you get the crystal ball rolling (LOL!)

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The Baby-sitters Club: Kate and the Best Contraception Ever

When I was 17, my friend Sophie and I took a week-long job in Yamba, babysitting five kids under five. I didn’t have any experience looking after children, but I had read a lot of Baby-sitters Club books. I was convinced our holiday would be like issue #8, Boy-Crazy Stacey, in which Stacey and Mary Anne go to Jersey Shore as mothers’ helpers. There’s a carnival, and ice-cream, and Stacey falls in love with a hot lifeguard named Scott, who ends up being about 900 years old and a total douchebag, but it’s okay because then she meets the guy she’s really supposed to be with and they get it on in the Tunnel of Luv.

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